On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
