This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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