Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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