Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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