Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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