Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
