She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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