The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
