relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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