how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
