I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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