Can Purell be used as lube?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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