exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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