med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
