i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
