You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
