Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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