I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I am mentally ready for anal.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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