it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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