make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
