Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
