I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
