Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
