mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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