i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
