I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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