I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
