Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
