I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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