I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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