I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
