we have pet lesbian snakes
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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