I will die if light touches me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
