I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Holy shit dude........stairs
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
