I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
