What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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