____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
