put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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