I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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