How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
