Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
