so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
