You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
