I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
