Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
