i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
