WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
