Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
