so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
