Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
