I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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