i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
