nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
