We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My pussy is not your playground.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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