so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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