My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
