I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
