i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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