did you get engaged???
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
