dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
